The Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living

It has recently come to my attention that my life has pretty much gotten out of control. I seem to have things together, but from my perspective, I see that a lot of the “togetherness” is the result of duct tape type fixes. It is time, with the help of God, for me to get those things back under control.

Some of the areas that are out of control include:
Finances - My plan to get out of debt seems to have stalled big time
Organization - I don’t pick up after myself, I don’t file papers, I basically have slacked off big time.
Health - I do very little physical activity and eat a combination of good and bad foods
Work  - As the end of the school year approached, my attitude became extremely complacent toward band and school
Spiritual - I no longer have a regular prayer time or Bible Study plan

I have blamed all of these things on Del Rio, even saying that Del Rio causes me to be depressed.

While I would agree that being this far away from family and many of my friends is tough, I don’t think this is the real reason. I think the ultimate underlying source of my problems is my own neglect of the spiritual disciplines in my life.

So what happens next?
Well, the first and most important change happens in my heart:

I acknowledge that I have a problem, I have neglected God. I put on a good show at church and in public, but that’s all it is; a show. I sort of make-believe life.

“Wow, Wagner! You sure have things together!“

I wish it were so, but I know better than that. I am way off target in my own little private world. So it’s time to control that. It’s time to set things right again.

But you’ve said this all before, what’s different now?
Great question. I don’t know what’s different now. I just know that it’s different. I am embracing discipline. I am coming back to that place where I look forward to denying my flesh for a greater spiritual gain. I already have this sense of freedom that is so incredibly refreshing.

You may not see external changes, but hopefully you will be able to tell a difference in my countenance.

The summer has just begun. It is a time of incredible opportunity. It starts by cleaning my house out, throwing and giving stuff away, and just enjoying life again.

Disappearing

*poof*
I will be disappearing from most of the online world until October 6th at the earliest. You will not be able to reach me on MySpace, Facebook, or through instant messaging. If you need to contact Wagner, use email.

Losing Focus
The problem is that I have lost focus on those things that are most important to me. I rarely read, I rarely pray, I rarely am finding myself able to focus long enough to complete what I start. My house is a mess, both physically and spiritually. I am taking drastic steps to changing that.

What’s been going on lately?
My life is going very well. School is great. I love my classes. This is my best teaching year so far. My students behave well 95% of the time. The 5% of misbehavior is from somewhere around 10% of the students or less. I am not going to complain.

My debt continues to decline. I haven’t updated on my blog lately, but things are going really well in that department also.

The sad thing is that my spiritual life has begun to slip drastically. I must take charge and once again allow God to take precedence in my life. I intend on daily Bible reading, going to sleep earlier (most nights) so I can wake up at 5:30am to pray, and just really refocusing my attitudes on honoring God.

A call to action
I expect great things as I under this 30 day “focus fast”. Wanna join me?

On A Roll!

Well, now that I have a bit more time, I seem to really be on a roll with these entries here! Maybe this will continue. I reckon it will, at least for a while yet. Perhaps it’s because it is a novel concept. Or maybe because I enjoy writing and this gives me an outlet to do so. Whatever the case may be, here is yet another entry into the annals of my life.

Today was another good day. I enjoy being able to finally have some time to get organized and do some administrative kinds of things at work. Not that I don’t love working with the students, but I also like to be able to be prepared as I go into the classes and rehearsals! I have begun to look at Christmas concert type music and am finding a few pieces that might be fun to do this year. We have a performance next week and then I’ll pass out Christmas music after that. We also will be taking the 6th, 7th, and 8th grade students to the high school football game in a couple of weeks. That should be a lot of fun for the kids, and it will be neat to be able to see nearly 250+ children with instruments up in the stands there to play!

Also on the horizon are all region auditions for both high school and middle school. The MS auditions are in a few weeks, and the HS auditions are right around the beginning of December. We’re working with individuals on that stuff and hope to be able to have a decent number of kids make those bands. The goal is to have more than last year.

So much on my mind and yet, here I sit realizing that my focus is really not where it ought to be after all! So much on my mind and yet, how many of my thoughts are centered on those things that God would have me look to. I know that having the band program run smoothly is important, but do I overfocus on it to the point that I ignore the more vital things in life? I fear that I do that. Focus is becoming a very important word for this school year. Focus is what I am realizing that I lack, or do not have set correctly. Am I truly “looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher” of my faith? Sometimes I am. Sometimes I am not. Oh God, that my focus would be right all of the time. I want to be able to say with Jesus, “I do only those things which please the Father.” I want that. I want to want that more!