Update 1/21/02

From: Joel Wagner
Sent: Monday, January 21, 2002 10:21 PM
To: Joel Wagner
Subject: Update 1/21/02

I went to a thoracic surgeon today for a second opinion regarding the mass of unknown origin and composition that is inside my chest.  He was a bit more conservative in his suggested plan of action in that he recommended doing some blood tests and a few other tests of various natures in order to determine what it is that is inside of me.  In the long run, indications still seem to point to an eventual removal of it.  As a result, the surgery date for this Thursday the 24th has not been changed.

My classes started last week and I know people in both of my education classes who will be able to take notes for me and all of that.  The professors are sympathetic and there shouldn’t be any problems as far as necessary absences are concerned.  That’s a huge relief.

I agree with the doctor I saw today that it would be nice to know what is going on before treating it.  He mentioned that, depending on what it is, some treatments such as radiation or chemotherapy might be just as effective as resection.  Even so, I have the time scheduled in the hospital and I want the pain to go away as soon as possible, so I’m going to stick with that plan.

Tomorrow (Tuesday), I plan to give more information about the procedure and all of that to the kids at Kerr Middle School where I’m student teaching.  The trouble is, from what I have been able to determine from the doctors who do this kind of thing routinely, that it sounds a whole lot worse than it really is.  That’s not to say that having a mass inside me pressing against my heart and lung isn’t bad, but the surgery should be fairly routine for the doctor, and so I don’t think there will be any real problems.

Of course the whole surgery thing is predicated upon the tumor being there when I go to the hospital Thursday morning.  My prayers are still focused on God not requiring me to be operated upon, but I also understand that surgery and various medical techniques are gifts of God nonetheless.  I am not the least bit fearful as to what will happen, but more anxious to see what God will ultimately do as a testimony of His grace and to provide a glimpse of His glory.  Your continued support still blesses me!  Thank you…

Update 1/12/02

From: Joel Wagner
Sent: Sunday, January 13, 2002 2:57 PM
To: Joel Wagner
Subject: Update 1/12/02

For those of you who may not have gotten previous updates on my health or if you are interested in learning a little bit more about it, I have created a web page on my site that includes excerpts from some private writings, small pieces of private emails, and all of these update emails that I have been sending out. If you go to my website (address below) and find your way to the “Hospital Saga” page, you can find it.

The surgery to remove the tumor is scheduled for Thursday January 24th at All Saints Hospital in downtown Fort Worth.  I am going to try to get a second opinion from another doctor this week before they go in next week and cut my body up.  Again, from what we can tell, it is most likely benign (non-cancerous), but nevertheless needs to be out of my body.  I am currently experiencing a cold of sorts in addition to the occasional pain associated with a 3 inch mass inside my chest cavity.  As of now, I am tentatively planning to go in for pre-operational stuff on Monday the 21st.  That’s just over a week away.

Please continue to pray that God will take the pain away, and if it is His will, that He would take the thing out of my body without requiring any surgery as a testimony to His grace.  Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support as I am going through all of this.

Prayer Journal 1/09/02

Father God, I thank You for the incredible peace that I had all day today. I didn’t experience any pain today, and for that I praise Your holy name. I thank You that I don’t have cancer, and now Lord, I ask You to completely remove this tumor that is inside of me. I pray that You will totally destroy it without a single cut being made in my body. I don’t want to have my bones broken, and I don’t want to have to be cut open and spend nearly a month in recovery from this whole thing. I know that having it taken out would be a blessing, but having it supernaturally destroyed would be a miracle and it could only bring glory to You. Lord, I know that the wisdom of man is foolishness to You, and I see that truth played out in the doctor antics that I have experienced over the last few weeks.

Lord, if nothing more comes of this whole thing than bringing me back to a place where prayer becomes a vital priority in my life, it will have served its purpose beyond comprehension. If You decide to remove it from me without surgery, it will glorify You and it will add more to my ever growing testimony of all the wonders that You do. Lord, I feel I am being selfish when I ask You to remove it, but I also know that You long to see Your children be blessed. You delight in giving me my desires, as long as they are according to Your will. I want to know that if and when I am healed, that the glory will go solely to You. I believe that will happen, but if there is anything in me that needs to change before it can happen, by all means, change me, Lord! I want to be made whole again. I want to breathe normally, and not have to worry or even wonder if it might hurt. I miss being completely free from pain, and I don’t know that I really remember what it feels like. Right now, I am in far less pain than I have been for the past few months, and I thank You so much for that. I pray that this tumor be gone right now, and that when You choose to remove it, that I will know beyond any doubt that it has been removed. Lord, I thank You for everything that You do and everything that You will do for me. You are so wonderful! I love You and I thank You and pray in Jesus’ name…Amen!