Prayer Journal 1/08/02

Thank You, Lord!  I found out today that the diagnosis of lymphoma was wrong.  …  I am scheduled for a surgery on January 24^th to remove this, but Lord, I pray that You will remove it supernaturally before then.  Lord, I know that the X-Rays and the CAT scans all show that I have a mass inside my chest.  I want it removed.  I want it to vanish and for the doctors and specialists and everyone relying on the wisdom of man to be confounded, for Your Word says that the foolishness of God confounds the wisdom of men.  I have gone from last night believing that I had cancer to believing tonight that I don’t.  I don’t trust men, Lord.  Some trust in horses, some in chariots, but I trust in the Lord my God!  I trust in You alone, and I pray that You will strengthen and empower me to over come this by Your divine grace.  Lord, I thank You that You adopted me as Your child for no other reason than according to the good pleasure of Your will.  Praise Your holy name!  In that wonderful name of my most blessed Savior Jesus Christ, I thank You and pray…Amen!

What’s Really Wrong With Me…

From: Joel Wagner
Sent: Tuesday, January 08, 2002 10:41 PM
To: Joel Wagner
Subject: what’s really wrong with me…

If I haven’t told you anything before this, I apologize.  My life has been incredibly busy over the last few weeks and I have sent out emails sometimes, not even realizing who was on the list.  If this is all news to you, feel free to write me to find out background…

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My parents were able to get an appointment for me today with a thoracic surgeon.  It’s amazing how many new medical terms I can learn over a period of a few weeks!  The pulmonologist had mentioned to my dad yesterday when they talked that he was going to try to get me in to see a thoracic surgeon and my aunt works for a doctor who is good friends with one so the appropriate strings were pulled and I ended up getting in there today.

In the process of getting over there, my parents picked up my CAT scan from Harris as well as the biopsy findings.  Interestingly enough, the second biopsy didn’t find anything conclusive either.  The only thing about lymphoma or thymoma on the report were the diagnoses listed before I went in.  The only thing found from the biopsy were connective tissues and some abnormal cells, but nothing conclusive.

When we went in to talk with the thoracic surgeon, he looked at the pictures and said that, from what he can tell, it looks like whatever the 7cm mass inside me is, that it shouldn’t be there, and that it is probably benign because of its smooth exterior.  So what that means is that it probably isn’t cancer.  Definitely not lymphoma or thymoma (neither of which have I exhibited even half of the listed symptoms).  This diagnosis seems to make a lot more sense.

We have scheduled for me to go in to surgery on Thursday, January 24th to have it removed.  I would be in the hospital another 3-5 days and would be able to return to relatively normal functioning about 2-3 weeks afterwards.  That is just over two weeks away.

I know that I serve a God who delights in healing His children, and that, “with God nothing will be impossible” (Luke 1:37).  He “is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us” (Ephesians 3:20).  I know that He can, and I pray that, if it is according to His will, that He will take away this thing from my body without requiring any surgery.  Thank you all for all of your support and prayers.  They are coveted.

Prayer Journal 1/07/02

Well, I found out today that the most likely result from the biopsy is that I have lymphoma.  I don’t know what exactly that means, nor do I know what the treatment for it is.  Lord, I know that You are the God of healing, and that You delight in healing Your children.  I come to You tonight and ask You to heal me.  I ask that this cancer be completely removed from my body supernaturally, and that there be nothing left of it.  I pray that no surgery, medications, or radiation treatment be necessary for me, but that I be completely healed of this.  Lord, I don’t know what purpose You have, but I believe that there is some great purpose for this whole ordeal.  I don’t know what will end of it, but I know and am persuaded that You are in absolute control over whatever happens.  The outcome is not of utmost concern to me, as that whatever happens, it will magnify You and glorify You and reveal Your great love and mercy and grace to the world.  I thank You for the comfort and peace that I have, and I look forward eagerly to see what it is that You will do about all of this.  Lord, I am scared, but at the same time, I know You are in control.  Thank You for that assurance.  If I die, I end up with You.  If I live, I can serve and glorify You.  I like life on this planet, but I am not so attached to it that I would be upset to leave!  I love You more than I love my life.  I want Your purpose and will to be fulfilled in my life.  Right now, I am more uncertain of what will happen than anything else.  I want so desperately for You to heal me.  Thank You for Your abundant grace, which is sufficient for me!  in the glory of this grace and in the name of Jesus, I thank You and pray…Amen!